how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
