I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
