The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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