I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
