i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
