so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Terrible idea I love it
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
