Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
