$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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