Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
