saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
