Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
