My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
