I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
