I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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