Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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