i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
