He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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