I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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