escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
