All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
