Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
