i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
