i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
