make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
