Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
