In the future we'll all be gay
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just cropdusted the office
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
