just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
