Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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