I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
