I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
