I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
