some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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