If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
