we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
