I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
