i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
