An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
