clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
