She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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