Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
