This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
