i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
