And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
