dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
