i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
