He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Randomize
