nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
