carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just forgot I was standing up.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
