A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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