3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
