is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
