Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
